and i blame this thing
Friday, February 26, 2010
You Know When.....
you have those days where you wake up and you know it's just not going to be a good day? im having one of those days...........
and i blame this thing
and i blame this thing
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Resolutions
I feel like I've had so many things going on in my mind recently...It's been pretty hard to organize all my thoughts so get ready for a good amount of reading.
First off, I am still unsure of what my summer plans are going to be. So far, I've signed up for STATS N21 but it's going to be mostly online so it won't interfere with other plans. Here are the possibilities, KCDC, summer session, or nothing at all. Actually to be honest that last one isn't really even in the running. After I didn't get into either of the classes I needed to (R1B/arts and lit breadth) I really thought okay for sure I need to do summer session but after figuring out a tentative schedule for my classes for the rest of my college career with my pol sci adviser, it didn't seem necessary anymore. In fact, after talking about it to several people, I really feel like God was clearing my schedule this summer so that I could do this program. Still though, I am hesitant to make a commitment, because it seriously is a lot of work. Trainings every Sunday for the next 3 months(at least I get to skip basic training), 6 straight weeks of the program in the summer, lesson prep, craft preps, examples for people in my age group... well you get the idea, just a lot of work. I think I'm definitely at the point where I know what I should do, I know what I need to do, but I still want to put it off. Knowing me, I'll probably just agree the next time I'm asked.
Secondly, resolutions. I know it's already February but it'll count for the Chinese New Year =]. Actually I've had these resolutions for about a month now but just have not really told them to anyone. First off, I want to be less.....what's the word....hermit like? and more ....social? Okay explanation time. I think I'm definitely the kind of person who doesn't mind keeping to themselves. That's not to say I don't enjoy being in the company of other people, but I don't mind the quiet. It's a comfortable setting for me. But I definitely get comfortable with keeping to myself and not really speaking out. For those who know me fairly well, you know that I tend to really bottle everything up. If something is bothering me, if I'm struggling with something, if someone says something that really upsets me, I don't say anything. I let it pass and hope that it'll go away. I also tend to keep a lot of comments to myself for fear of offending anyone or seem condescending. Well I'm gonna try really really hard to not do that anymore......well as least not as much. I should have no fear if my intentions are good right? Well.......I'll work on it.
Very related to that, I want to take more chances. I have so many fears, inhibitions, EXCUSES! I never want to do anything that will put me in the spotlight for fear of being judged. It doesn't even have to be something big. I just DO NOT want to stand out. Maybe that's why I enjoy the social sciences so much. Way back in 10th grade in Mr. Vedar's Modern World Class, discussions were centered around a back and forth between me and maybe 1 or 2 other people. *ask Meng for comfirmation* And for the whole first semester, even though I had something to say or I knew the right answer, I would get so scared!! Like seriously, I had this really really bad habit of raising my hand during open discussions (okay I seriously still do this now ALL the time) and my face would turn crazy red. Think.....whole face the shade of a tomato. I kid you not, people in class used to comment and yell it out whenever it happened. And then there was of course the hyperventilating and speaking at 3x my normal speed during presentations.....those were the days.... But back to my original point, ever since then, social science classes were the only classes I felt confident enough to voice my opinion. So again I'm trying to get away from this comfort zone that I'm in. So far I have:
1. agreed to lead worship for LD
2. brought in a song to hopefully play for worship for band ministry (before I would always write an email and say we should learn this song and they would tell me to bring the song in and be prepared to share it......and i did not...)
3. confronted/kindly brought up issues to friends
hopefully this list gets really long by the end of the year
4. volunteered to lead bible study
another example of my desire to fade in. I recently acquired 2 american apparel sweatshirts(gotta love those vendor sales - thanks Chris!). I went to the store to kinda look and see which colors I wanted and I had already decided on the forest green and was thinking about getting either the mermaid green or sea blue. I ultimately decided on the sea blue because the girl at the store said most people get the sea blue because it's an easy color to pull off. And I agreed. It's a pretty dark, normal color and had I gotten it and worn it, it wouldn't be very noticeable. Still my eyes wandered ever so slightly to the mermaid green but I figured, no its too bright, too noticeable, too...not me? But lo and behold, I now have forest green and mermaid green. The more I think about it, the more happy I am that it turned out this way. I really did like the color of mermaid green but would have gone with the safe choice of sea blue....okay I can't believe I just wrote a whole paragraph about my american apparel sweatshirts......for those first time readers, I'm usually not this...vain? no judgment please =]
Switching topics now, for awhile, I stopped trying to write songs. I was never ..satisfied with them and that was because I would always compare it to other songs. But I figured out the real problem. I tried to write songs that other people could sing. I was more focused on writing something that could be sung by other people in worship that I forgot that the reason I started writing in the first place was because the song was true for ME. That seems kind of conceited but am I writing these songs for people, or am I writing them for me or for my growth or for my relationship with God? My heart needs to be at the right place first and foremost.
It's nearly 4am so time for a quick nap before chinese new year breakfast with the fam and then church and EGGETTES with the fellowship =]
On my last day in LA, this was the fortune in my fortune cookie. It's pretty cliche but....well.....maybe
First off, I am still unsure of what my summer plans are going to be. So far, I've signed up for STATS N21 but it's going to be mostly online so it won't interfere with other plans. Here are the possibilities, KCDC, summer session, or nothing at all. Actually to be honest that last one isn't really even in the running. After I didn't get into either of the classes I needed to (R1B/arts and lit breadth) I really thought okay for sure I need to do summer session but after figuring out a tentative schedule for my classes for the rest of my college career with my pol sci adviser, it didn't seem necessary anymore. In fact, after talking about it to several people, I really feel like God was clearing my schedule this summer so that I could do this program. Still though, I am hesitant to make a commitment, because it seriously is a lot of work. Trainings every Sunday for the next 3 months(at least I get to skip basic training), 6 straight weeks of the program in the summer, lesson prep, craft preps, examples for people in my age group... well you get the idea, just a lot of work. I think I'm definitely at the point where I know what I should do, I know what I need to do, but I still want to put it off. Knowing me, I'll probably just agree the next time I'm asked.
Secondly, resolutions. I know it's already February but it'll count for the Chinese New Year =]. Actually I've had these resolutions for about a month now but just have not really told them to anyone. First off, I want to be less.....what's the word....hermit like? and more ....social? Okay explanation time. I think I'm definitely the kind of person who doesn't mind keeping to themselves. That's not to say I don't enjoy being in the company of other people, but I don't mind the quiet. It's a comfortable setting for me. But I definitely get comfortable with keeping to myself and not really speaking out. For those who know me fairly well, you know that I tend to really bottle everything up. If something is bothering me, if I'm struggling with something, if someone says something that really upsets me, I don't say anything. I let it pass and hope that it'll go away. I also tend to keep a lot of comments to myself for fear of offending anyone or seem condescending. Well I'm gonna try really really hard to not do that anymore......well as least not as much. I should have no fear if my intentions are good right? Well.......I'll work on it.
Very related to that, I want to take more chances. I have so many fears, inhibitions, EXCUSES! I never want to do anything that will put me in the spotlight for fear of being judged. It doesn't even have to be something big. I just DO NOT want to stand out. Maybe that's why I enjoy the social sciences so much. Way back in 10th grade in Mr. Vedar's Modern World Class, discussions were centered around a back and forth between me and maybe 1 or 2 other people. *ask Meng for comfirmation* And for the whole first semester, even though I had something to say or I knew the right answer, I would get so scared!! Like seriously, I had this really really bad habit of raising my hand during open discussions (okay I seriously still do this now ALL the time) and my face would turn crazy red. Think.....whole face the shade of a tomato. I kid you not, people in class used to comment and yell it out whenever it happened. And then there was of course the hyperventilating and speaking at 3x my normal speed during presentations.....those were the days.... But back to my original point, ever since then, social science classes were the only classes I felt confident enough to voice my opinion. So again I'm trying to get away from this comfort zone that I'm in. So far I have:
1. agreed to lead worship for LD
2. brought in a song to hopefully play for worship for band ministry (before I would always write an email and say we should learn this song and they would tell me to bring the song in and be prepared to share it......and i did not...)
3. confronted/kindly brought up issues to friends
hopefully this list gets really long by the end of the year
4. volunteered to lead bible study
another example of my desire to fade in. I recently acquired 2 american apparel sweatshirts(gotta love those vendor sales - thanks Chris!). I went to the store to kinda look and see which colors I wanted and I had already decided on the forest green and was thinking about getting either the mermaid green or sea blue. I ultimately decided on the sea blue because the girl at the store said most people get the sea blue because it's an easy color to pull off. And I agreed. It's a pretty dark, normal color and had I gotten it and worn it, it wouldn't be very noticeable. Still my eyes wandered ever so slightly to the mermaid green but I figured, no its too bright, too noticeable, too...not me? But lo and behold, I now have forest green and mermaid green. The more I think about it, the more happy I am that it turned out this way. I really did like the color of mermaid green but would have gone with the safe choice of sea blue....okay I can't believe I just wrote a whole paragraph about my american apparel sweatshirts......for those first time readers, I'm usually not this...vain? no judgment please =]
Switching topics now, for awhile, I stopped trying to write songs. I was never ..satisfied with them and that was because I would always compare it to other songs. But I figured out the real problem. I tried to write songs that other people could sing. I was more focused on writing something that could be sung by other people in worship that I forgot that the reason I started writing in the first place was because the song was true for ME. That seems kind of conceited but am I writing these songs for people, or am I writing them for me or for my growth or for my relationship with God? My heart needs to be at the right place first and foremost.
It's nearly 4am so time for a quick nap before chinese new year breakfast with the fam and then church and EGGETTES with the fellowship =]
On my last day in LA, this was the fortune in my fortune cookie. It's pretty cliche but....well.....maybe
Friday, February 12, 2010
Remember when...
Remember when......
these were the coolest pencil cases to have ever???
i miss these.....
i used to not pay attention in class and rearrange my pencils and erasers instead...so much fun =]
these were the coolest pencil cases to have ever???
i miss these.....
i used to not pay attention in class and rearrange my pencils and erasers instead...so much fun =]
Friday, February 5, 2010
Why hello there. I won't go into too much detail about all the things from my socal trip(which was over a month ago already! time sure flies)
the car was packed to the brim with our stuff
we decided to stay in irvine for a day to hang out. lots of yummy snacks to tide us over
>
and of course once we got to LA we had to go get some 9.99 Korean BBQ
I have to say we look pretty normal for people who were stuffed with meat
I also got to finally try diddy riese
my new fav toy. toby! whose face is square while all the other trains are circular
this was taken in ochem right before we left. What shifty eyes from the guy above us
meng and i had a really long laugh about this one....i dont really know why
most nights we'd stay up talking...okay so it was more like I would tell Meng about political science terms and she'd fall asleep
LA dc food was pretty good. best part? they always had good fortune cookies. this is the fortune from the last meal. good advice i would say
anyhoo recently things have been....well they're better now let's just say that. Class scheduling was crazyyyy and now I have class every single day =[ Oh well at least I can't be lazy and sleep in until crazy hours on Fridays. All about being productive.
yesterday i finally got around to talking to the political science adviser and all the stress i had felt about class scheduling for the next two years virtually disappeared! i'm actually more on track than i had originally thought which was so good to hear and while my classes will be stacked for the following 4 semesters, it's very much so doable. but last night as i was telling aileen this, i realized that maybe God was providing me with a way to do KCDC this summer. It's definitely something that's been on my mind a lot and I do see the need for leaders but it's difficult to agree to give up my summer. oh well we shall see.
on a lighter note, i am currently snacking on these
and it makes me happy =]
the car was packed to the brim with our stuff
we decided to stay in irvine for a day to hang out. lots of yummy snacks to tide us over>
and of course once we got to LA we had to go get some 9.99 Korean BBQ
I have to say we look pretty normal for people who were stuffed with meat
I also got to finally try diddy riese
my new fav toy. toby! whose face is square while all the other trains are circular
this was taken in ochem right before we left. What shifty eyes from the guy above us
meng and i had a really long laugh about this one....i dont really know why
most nights we'd stay up talking...okay so it was more like I would tell Meng about political science terms and she'd fall asleep
LA dc food was pretty good. best part? they always had good fortune cookies. this is the fortune from the last meal. good advice i would say
anyhoo recently things have been....well they're better now let's just say that. Class scheduling was crazyyyy and now I have class every single day =[ Oh well at least I can't be lazy and sleep in until crazy hours on Fridays. All about being productive.
yesterday i finally got around to talking to the political science adviser and all the stress i had felt about class scheduling for the next two years virtually disappeared! i'm actually more on track than i had originally thought which was so good to hear and while my classes will be stacked for the following 4 semesters, it's very much so doable. but last night as i was telling aileen this, i realized that maybe God was providing me with a way to do KCDC this summer. It's definitely something that's been on my mind a lot and I do see the need for leaders but it's difficult to agree to give up my summer. oh well we shall see.
on a lighter note, i am currently snacking on these
and it makes me happy =]
4:10
I am starting to write this blog at 4:10AM. Why? Because it's been so darn long since I've last posted. After LA, I kept telling myself to post, to update, to put my thoughts down on something more tangible than my head. And yet I keep putting it off! The great hope? To produce a full updated post within the next several days. For those faithful few who still check to see if I am alive via blogosphere, here is something to tide you over
quick fyi, this is the burger I ordered from Jack in the Box. It was supposed to be a bacon burger.....except that it did not come with bacon.....or anything else for that matter!
quick fyi, this is the burger I ordered from Jack in the Box. It was supposed to be a bacon burger.....except that it did not come with bacon.....or anything else for that matter!
